Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Real Eyes. Realize. Real lies

I just need someone to talk to you know? Someone who relates.. but I have no one. Since I decided to isolate myself from everyone because I thought it was a good idea for my freaking future, but look at me now. So I'm just going to blog this shit outta my mind. Dear, _______. This is for all the times/things I did for you. I stood by your side when no one wanted to. I gave up my extra time of homework for you! I ditch days of school because of you. I gave up my future goals because I didn't think I was going to make it. Here I am, probably not being able to graduate. Yeah I know it's all MY fault it always has been. I don't regret the times I spent with you, it was great and all but I'm stuck in a super sticky situation. Since I was a kid I always dreamed of being a pharmacist. I wanted to study medicine it was always my main goal besides graduating, get good grades etc.. I gave up valuable time to talk to you or spend time with you when I could of been studying.. but oh my. Education was always my main number one priority you know besides my family. But you put me through so much, the sleepless nights, the tears on my pillow & so much emotional pain. Promises never meant jack shit to you, you would pinky promise me then break em'. I wanted you to change into a better person when we got together. I wanted you to stop hustling, doing drugs and partying. I wanted you to be there for me.. My friends and family always asks 'Why? Why are you with him? You know you could do better.' Yes I know I could do better but is it a shame to say "I fell 'in love'..?" All I could ever think about was you. The way you used to make me laugh & smile.. There was no one like you in the world with the mistakes you did, all the imperfections and flaws. & now that I've realize it, it took me a year & 6 months to realize how much pain I went through.. You were a waste of my time! but I sure don't want to regret it, cause you turned me into a stronger person..